Thursday, 24 July 2014

The squashed aorta

The squashed aorta

Something happened the other night. I went to bed and found myself about as comfortable as someone trying to get to sleep on a small melon. Over the course of a couple of days, my bit-squishy is-she-isn't-she tum had turned into a proper bump.

Now I don't know if anyone has ever done this, but trying to get to sleep on a melon just doesn't really work. So the sensible thing to do is to sleep on your back - that way the melon doesn't feel hard and uncomfortable beneath you and you're not trying to work around it on your sides. Not hugely comfortable but also not not life threatening...or so you would think....

Google tells me that for the last week not only have I been restricting the blood flow to my aorta and vena cava which are major blood vessels (christ!), but I've also been damaging my spine, not breathing properly, not letting my digestive system work as it should and lowering my blood pressure.

I have been feeling dizzy too which I immediately put together with the low blood pressure and give myself another gold star for my outstanding medical knowledge. So the fix for this? SOS - sleep on side. Or 'The bump friendly position' if you add some strategically placed pillows. What a relief there is a cure for my squashed aorta and uncomfortableness. PHEW. 

And a plus of this, if I sleep on my left side the baby gets more blood and nutrients. Yum! 

ps: to all those 'oh you just wait if you think the small melon is bad' people - pt. 2 of things that annoy me coming soon ;) 

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Things that annoy me when I'm pregnant (pt1)

Things that annoy me when I'm pregnant (pt 1)

Sorry this isn't a hypochondriac post but I'm sure there are some other pregnant ladies out there who can identify with those days where everything and everyone annoys you. Especially these things:

1. When someone who already has children asks you if you're tired and then delights in this response when you say yes..."OHHHHH you just wait" - I hate you and that smug look on your face. 

2. When you're still feeling horrendously nauseas after spending the morning with your head in the loo retching and someone says "oh you are so unlucky, my morning sickness had gone by now". What a helpful statement. You dick. 

3. People who say "oh you should watch One Born Every Minute" like it's some sort of holy grail for pregnant ladies. I've never seen anyone give birth to the placenta on that programme or heard anyone ever mention the dreaded ring of fire. 

4. When people ask me why I'm finding out what the sex is.. because I'M A CONTROL FREAK OK and I have many lists to write and things to plan over the next four months. 

Would love to hear contributions to this one - leave your comment below or email me at

Sunday, 20 July 2014

The ongoing Asthma saga

I've been asked numerous times since being pregnant how I would rate my asthma. Now to a self diagnosed hypochondriac, this is a pretty tricky question. How do I get across how serious I think it is without her treating me like I'm seriously ill. Or worse, telling me that she thinks I might have actual hypochondria.

So I say… 'mild'. She asks me how many times I use my inhaler per day, I answer, she confirms it's mild with a smile, writes it in my notes and that's that. So how does this six second conversation send me into a spin?

Well I've lied you see. I've bloody lied to an NHS healthcare professional. I minused about 10 puffs of the blue stuff and told her I take less than I do. 

So on the way home,  breathing in serious amounts of pollen and other stuff that I imagine is inflaming my bronchi, I worry about how bad my asthma really is. And of course, because of all the pollen and other hellish particles that are now in my lungs, I get out the inhaler and begin puffing away. 

The thing is, when I really think about those extra puffs (like the ones I'm having right now) are really 'just incase'. So I guess my asthma really is mild anyway. Which my fiancĂ© confirms with constant reminders of 'you're not even wheezing!'. 

Sooooo…. Ventolin addiction post coming soon. 

Thursday, 17 July 2014


It comes from all angles. The thing to remember is that it's given with the best of intentions. Not to test out your new, uncontrollably irrational pregnancy hormones. 

Yeah, try REALLY HARD to remember this. 

The umbilical hernia

Sooooo last night was fairly traumatic, for my fiance more so than me, who had to listen to me explain multiple times why I thought I had an umbilical hernia. I'm actually really lucky that the majority of the time, he's amazing enough to know how ridiculous I'm being because if he ever did turn around and say 'Oh wow we'd better get you to the doctors' I think I'd have some sort of serious panic attack that I was right.... you can sympathise fellow hypochondriacs 

Anyway my belly button hurt and Google had diagnosed a hernia. Naturally I ignored the other less stressful suggestions and settled with the hernia which was the worst possible case. After accepting that I'd need an operation to correct it after the birth, I then did another quick Google - 'sore belly button at 17 weeks pregnant' and it turns out that this is completely normal at this stage.

And that my bellybutton is on its way out. 

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

OMG MY BABY HAS NO LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's ok the sonographer showed me the legs.

Hi everyone!
So I thought a good way to start my blog would be to tell about the wonderfully terrifying heart palpitations I’m getting now that I have all this extra blood pumping around me. 
I’ve never really had real palpitations before so when they happened for the first time last week, I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. So after a quick visit to one of my top sites, - I confirm I have every symptom of a heart attack. Chest pain, shortness of breath, lightheadedness and panic… yes of course, all the symptoms of a heart attack AND hypochondria. A quick visit to mumsnet reassured me I was in fact fine, ok to carry on with my day and just suffering from a few palpitations. 
PHEW what a lucky escape.
I have since retold this story as a good example of why I now think it IS a great idea to Google symptoms even though my midwife and fiance disagree. 
For real advice if you think you may be having a heart attack, visit this website.